homecoming
i was back at Amherst for a total of 24 hours. i made a big deal as we drove down Route 9 (under all other circumstances, this stretch of road provokes my rage and disdain) and passed such favorites as Aqua Vitae and Northern Lights. i didn't know quite what to do with myself once i got on campus and the friends i knew i was seeing were away at work, but, sure enough, i managed to bump into enough people to keep me chatting all afternoon as i made my way from Frost to the Campus Center to Campus Police to the Triangle. it was nice, too, to spend the night in Seligman and have multiple warm beverages at Amherst Coffee, to laugh out loud when my counselor friend told me she and the other counselors would be partying in Coolidge basement that night. i was having more of a town weekend, watching tons of people walk by whom i really don't know, and looking forward to life across the street from campus this coming year. i saw the Outreach Office staff and we talked shop. this morning i saw a couple of the best professors and, as if by magic, started to feel ready for this, for the classes and the thesis and the being academic again.
right now it's 4:45am; my roommate and her friends got back from Bed half an hour ago and went out on the terrace. i heard them come home, convinced myself it might be a burglar who sounds like a small girl with a key, and peeked into the other room just to make sure.
i just finished watching the very last episodes of Sex in the City for the first time, and then i had a complete, soaking-my-pillow cry. these were tension tears mostly: it's been a confusing week; plus i lost my phone in upstate New York; and today i had to spend five hours on the Peter Pan bus. (let's face it--that last one is enough to make anyone cry.) they were also wet girly tears that got stirred up by Charlotte and Harry finding a baby and Samantha dealing with the cancer---the kind of tears that are just waiting for some emotionally manipulating story to squeeze them out. it was an i'm-okay cry, too, a cry that goes along with feeling good and strong and full.
i just couldn't sleep, mostly because my only way of dealing with the aforementioned Peter Pan had been to sink myself in a drowsy iPod-immersed daze all afternoon. this is not so bad right now, although i know if i sleep in tomorrow it will ruin my plans for a serious Sunday. not being able to call anyone has put me at more of a loss than usual---when i'm at home, there's family and a house phone; at school, everyone is always right around you; but coming back to an empty apartment in the middle of this big swamping city, i really didn't quite know what to do. still, there are other ways to communicate, and at the moment i am remembering the tactile pleasure i've always had in typing. one forgets these things outside of the paper-writing season.
i'll try sleep again though, before we hit the 5am mark. goodnight.
right now it's 4:45am; my roommate and her friends got back from Bed half an hour ago and went out on the terrace. i heard them come home, convinced myself it might be a burglar who sounds like a small girl with a key, and peeked into the other room just to make sure.
i just finished watching the very last episodes of Sex in the City for the first time, and then i had a complete, soaking-my-pillow cry. these were tension tears mostly: it's been a confusing week; plus i lost my phone in upstate New York; and today i had to spend five hours on the Peter Pan bus. (let's face it--that last one is enough to make anyone cry.) they were also wet girly tears that got stirred up by Charlotte and Harry finding a baby and Samantha dealing with the cancer---the kind of tears that are just waiting for some emotionally manipulating story to squeeze them out. it was an i'm-okay cry, too, a cry that goes along with feeling good and strong and full.
i just couldn't sleep, mostly because my only way of dealing with the aforementioned Peter Pan had been to sink myself in a drowsy iPod-immersed daze all afternoon. this is not so bad right now, although i know if i sleep in tomorrow it will ruin my plans for a serious Sunday. not being able to call anyone has put me at more of a loss than usual---when i'm at home, there's family and a house phone; at school, everyone is always right around you; but coming back to an empty apartment in the middle of this big swamping city, i really didn't quite know what to do. still, there are other ways to communicate, and at the moment i am remembering the tactile pleasure i've always had in typing. one forgets these things outside of the paper-writing season.
i'll try sleep again though, before we hit the 5am mark. goodnight.
posted by priyanka at 4:07 AM
3 Comments:
what's the thesis on?
ok..so I admit.
I also cried after the last episode of Sex and the City.
I just wasn't ready to say good bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss you guys so much. I'll see you soon.
I COMPLETELY empathize with the 5 hrs of Peter Pan (and I know Paul does too). I sob just thinking about it. haha.
And on a serious note, I am beginning to form a theory about transience, and the emotional toll it takes on people. I woke up at 5:30am myself the other day, in Catherine's studio, in a bed that I didn't find comfortable, with strange blankets and...I'll be candid here...flat bear and mr. lemur and my other poor substitutions for a man were nowhere to be found. AND I was no closer than I had been at the beginning of the week to finding an apt of my own. My point being that when I finally got up later, I started crying from the sheer stress of all of the unknown things and exiled myself to Tryst so that I could be around people, even if they were crazy yuppies. :)
I already miss Amherst so much!
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